Resistance and Suffering

My wake-up call to Resistance and Suffering

Recently I have been looking at the theme of resistance. It is such a rich topic and seems to show up in many areas of my life…. food choices, politics, health, relationships, spirituality, emotions, history and the very nature of humankind.

Resistance possessed me for years when I was married to my first husband. The more I resisted who he was and what he did, the more his behaviors triggered me and caused me suffering. I could not disconnect from my suffering due to my complete lack of acceptance that I could not change him or anything he did. I was in victim mode and blamed him for my suffering, rather than accepting responsibility for my actions. I was the one causing my suffering – not him.

I wanted a positive relationship to evolve after our separation, but in spite of my prayers, wishful thinking, legal action or manipulation, nothing would change who he was. Rather, I had to accept the reality of who he was before my suffering ended. It was a startling fact when I woke up and looked at all the energy I had spent trying to change something and someone that I did not understand and was not in my control.

It took many years before I realized that the root of my suffering was not my ex-husband, but my attachment to how I thought he should be, could be, or was not being who I wanted him to be. I found relief when I looked at who he was, how he acted and I simply accepted this as reality. 

My fantasy or fairy tale version of who I wanted him to be had to die, while I woke up to my immature ego need for the world to be as I wanted it to be.  The child in me still wanted things to be different – kind, harmonious and fair. The younger part of me was still trying to get what she thought was the ideal version of reality.

Does that sound rather childish to some of you? It does to me on one level, but I have come to see that it also came from an inexperienced and idealistic part of me that had dreams for things to be harmonious. My child’s view of the world was limited and so were my expectations that I assigned to the others in the world. Eventually I began to see that the younger part of me was still living under the veil of hope and causing me suffering. 

The phrase “It is what it is,” irked me when I first heard it, but now it has a valuable lesson for me. When I begin to accept people, events and the world as they are, there is more harmony within me.  The internal judgements slow down, the need to control subsides. I understand that  everyone is here to explore the world according to what our souls want to learn in this lifetime. It is for me to embrace each person’s unique journey and to see it as their growth path. 

What area in your life are you ready to give up resistance? 

Is there a situation that is not working the way you want it to work that you are struggling with?

What in your life is it time to say ” It is what it is?”